A road less traveled…

Homeschooling can sometimes feel a bit lonely.  While surrounded by bright little minds all day long, with never a lack for conversation, I’m clearly not pining away for human contact.  No, I’m talking about lonely in a bigger sense.  There’s a big world out there and going against contemporary culture can easily leave one feeling lonely and like an outcast.

Add to that the idea to school according to Charlotte Mason’s principles and the world gets a bit lonelier mostly because people don’t understand what you’re doing.  They can’t fathom why you are obsessing about living books (what’s wrong with the latest contemporary fad in twaddle-like reading, they wonder) or habit training (aww, let up on them a little, they implore) or nature study (isn’t it a bit hot to send your kids outside in this deep Texas heat, they question).  They don’t understand that your home is a domestic church where contemporary culture attacks on all fronts.  They don’t understand that it’s not just about the hours of official schooling that matter because, as you know, Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life.  But they don’t know that.  So it’s lonely because, despite the conviction in your heart, you’re on a road less traveled.

Until that blessed moment when you manage to find a person who is like-minded.  Then suddenly your little corner of the world brightens and the road doesn’t seem nearly so lonely.  Now you’ve got support.  Encouragement.  Accountability.  Understanding.

I consider myself incredibly blessed.  While toeing the line between the world of contemporary culture and a CM inspired culture, and trying to find a balance, I have always had my sister, Leslie, my sister-in-law, Jessica, and a dear friend, Lori, close by who all homeschool and are undeniably supportive.  Their children are the threads that are woven into my children’s memories.  They encourage me, understand me and support me.  They boost me up when I need it and their words are a healing salve on the days when this journey of mine feels impossible.

But one can never have enough support.  Especially when traveling a lonely road.

Back in June I was blessed, again, and in abundance, with finding not just one local Charlotte Mason homeschooling family but a whole group of them.  How incredibly lucky was that?  I imagine luck had nothing to do with it.  It was more of an answered prayer.

I joined the group’s Mom’s Study Group that meets once a month (we’re using Brandy Vencel’s Start Here CM guide).  I don’t even know how to describe the amazing group of women that I have the privilege to meet with and learn from every month.  This is a group of homeschooling moms who aren’t just satisfied with good enough.  Following CM is a bit of a challenge for anyone…it involves a whole lot of self-evaluation especially in habit training (it’s hard to train a little person in good habits until you look in the mirror and see where some of those bad habits are forming).  I love that these women keep it real and they are all open to learning and growing.  I love that I have someone to be accountable to.  I love that I have a whole group of moms who understand the trials and tribulations of the road less traveled.  I’m lucky to get to grow along with them.  July 2016 002_1_1

Then during our first week of school, we joined up with the CM group at the park for a book club discussion on the book Babe: The Gallant Pig (which the boys seriously loved!) and then had a grand time playing at the park.

Joey came home inspired by the book and made a Tangram lesson to share with the other kids.

I came home, inspired not by the women this time, but by the children.  These were children immersed in the same culture my children are, so there was a connection.  An understanding.  Like looking in the mirror.  They don’t know it yet, as my kids are still so little, but one day in the future, they may feel the sting of social nonacceptance and if that day ever comes, I want them to feel the weight of an army of like-minded people standing at their side.  They need to be surrounded by other kids who march to the beat of their own drums.  Who read classic stories and find pleasure in doing so.  Who can quote Shakespeare because it’s beautiful not because they were forced to memorize it.  Who can identify the lark of a bird.  Who can sit quietly and draw the beauty that God has set before them.  Who can understand that their education is not just about the books, but it’s about the Atmosphere, the Discipline, the Life.  August 2016 003_1_1 August 2016 004_2_1 August 2016 005_3_1 August 2016 006_4_1 August 2016 007_5_1 August 2016 009_6_1  August 2016 011_8_1  August 2016 015_10_1 August 2016 016_11_1 August 2016 017_12_1 August 2016 018_13_1 August 2016 019_14_1 August 2016 020_15_1 August 2016 021_16_1

This fall, we managed to snag a spot in the group’s co-op.  We attended our first meeting last week.  Success in our house is not measured by grades or test results, but rather by the sheer enjoyment and attainment of knowledge.  Joey and William have not stopped talking about the co-op.  The beauty of the Mona Lisa.  The delightful idea that Mozart was 8 when he composed his 1st symphony.  The thrill of reciting lines from Hamlet with other Shakespeare lovers.  The experience of sitting with friends to draw their found objects in nature.  The opportunity they had to relish the beauty.  To observe the details.  To listen attentively with patience and respect.  Success is a beautiful thing.  I’m so grateful that we have an entire community of like-minded people to experience it with.  september-2016-008_2_1  september-2016-009_3_1september-2016-017_4_1 september-2016-018_5_1  september-2016-021_7_1 september-2016-026_8_1    september-2016-028_1_1september-2016-027_9_1september-2016-032_3_1 september-2016-034_4_1 september-2016-035_5_1  september-2016-036_6_1september-2016-029_2_1september-2016-037_7_1 september-2016-039_8_1  september-2016-040_9_1september-2016-043_1_1 september-2016-046_2_1 september-2016-047_3_1Just when I thought my cup could not possibly get any fuller, our CM leader arranged for a world-renowned Charlotte Mason expert to give a series of lectures to our group about Miss Mason and her educational theories and practices.  Dr. Benjamin Bernier is an enlightening speaker who clearly knows his subject well.  I loved the inside look into Charlotte Mason and the times in which she lived. Dr. Bernier was kind enough to allow us to peek through his personal collection of Charlotte Mason books.  To say I was inspired is a bit of an understatement.  september-2016-005_1_1_1 september-2016-007_2_1 september-2016-008_3_1 september-2016-009_4_1 september-2016-010_5_1

Dr. Bernier shared a personal letter of Charlotte Mason’s with us and while inspired by the entire letter, I was mesmerized by this particular quote that she shared from her friend Mr. Huston, “Choose no friends but those whose society you would like to enjoy through Eternity.”  I am thankful to be surrounded by so many people, old friends and new, whose society I would thoroughly enjoy through Eternity.  september-2016-012_7_1 september-2016-011_6_1

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Daybook

Outside my window…it’s September but no sign of fall anywhere near.  Today’s forecast was 91 with a heat index of 102.

I am thankful for…Mom.  She came down to sit with me while William had his surgery and then she survived a week with us…and she never once looked anything but happy and peaceful.  I don’t know how she does it, but I am certainly thankful to have such a calming presence in my life.

I am watching…Joey write spelling words on the board and William write thank you notes.

I am listening…to the sound of paper art (at least I hope we’ll be able to consider it art when it’s all done).  Paper being crumpled.  Paper being folded.  Paper being shuffled.  Katie and Andrew are hard at work drawing and writing.

I am wondering…why Katie refuses to wear her hair in a ponytail and why she won’t wear bows!  I finally have a girl and she won’t let me fix her hair (except for the 30 seconds here while she had her picture taken).september-2016-051_3_1

I am laughing…about this picture.  However, if you are not and you’d like to schedule an appointment with William’s hair styling, please let me know.  I happen to have a little extra pull…I can probably get you in.september-2016-058_1_1

I am reflecting…on our visit with Stephanie and Juancho and the philosophical discussion of school systems that took place (no need to alert the press as we did not solve the problem over breakfast, but we certainly did have a delightful discussion).  Stephanie and Juancho both teach in Houston and they are the loveliest of couples.  Both eager and bright, funny and adventurous, I guarantee that the kids who pass through their classrooms are lucky little souls.  I love that when they spend time with my kids, they take the time to listen and play and interact.  We are lucky little souls to have them in our lives!  september-2016-050_4_1

In the schoolroom…finishing up our first 6 weeks of school.  Looking forward to our week off next week.

Around the house…since William’s surgery, he has been having a hard time getting in and out of bed.  He decided that sleeping on the bottom bunk might work out, so he and Andrew decided to try it out (it works!).  It’s been quite awhile since we’ve used the bottom bunk, so I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but the duvet has been neglected.  Sadly, I noticed that the boys must have thrown a wet towel on the duvet and the burgundy color from the down comforter bled through to the duvet cover, so it needed a little soaking (in Shaklee’s Nature Bright, of course!) and washing.  Washing one cover nudged me to wash the next and then the next and then, well you get it.  Have I ever mentioned what a nightmare I think down comforters and duvet covers are, but oh, how I love to snuggle under them so I continue to struggle with them season after season.  It’s Friday and all the bedding has been changed and washed.  I’m expecting my washing machine to go on strike at any moment.

In the kitchen…homemade pizza with the Savory Spice Shop’s Parmesan Pesto Sprinkle.

On the dining room table…a Missouri puzzle, in preparation for our upcoming train trip.

I am wearing…a new shirt from Charming Charlie (seriously, my new favorite store!)

We are preparing for…our upcoming train trip.

Someday I am going to miss…random discoveries.  Like a shirt wrapped around a book and shoved on the bookshelf.  I have no words for this one.  september-2016-074_2_1

I am reading…Circling the Sun by Paula McLain and Discovering Your Personality Type by Don Richard Riso.  I can’t recommend either yet, as I just started both.

One of my favorite things…melon Gatorade.

A peek into my day…Joey on his way to our Charlotte Mason co-op yesterday.september-2016-072_1_1

Please visit The Simple Woman’s Daybook for more daybook entries.

 

 

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{this moment}

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{this moment} – A Friday ritual.   A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  If you’re inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see.

Letting Go

September 2016 045_7_1I used to be a good traveler.  At least as far as the actual flying went.  I would get on the plane, find my seat and then I’d buckle up and relax.  I’d grab my book and immerse myself in a good story.  With the plane high above the Earth, soaring through the clouds, I’d often close my eyes and doze off.  For a natural born worrier, it was nice to have a few hours worry-free.September 2016 028_2_1 September 2016 030_4_1

It seems almost ironic that something so big could give me relief from a life of worry.  The plane could crash at any moment.  Terrorists could be on board.  The pilot could have a heart attack.  But none of those things registered in my mind because THEY WERE OUT OF MY CONTROL.  Once I stepped foot on that plane, there wasn’t anything I could control anymore.  I was at the mercy of the pilot, the weather, God, whatever being was, at that point, greater than me.  I relaxed and let go.September 2016 031_5_1 September 2016 032_6_1

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Parenting isn’t so easy.

Often, I offer up a prayer to God and then just as quickly, I snatch it back.  Surely, I, as a mother, need to help God out.  God often humors me, allowing me to rest in the illusion that I have some control over the fate of my children.  But more often than not, God gently reminds me that it’s in His control.  Not mine.  His children.  Not mine.  His divine plan.  Certainly not mine.September 2016 036_10_1

Six years ago, William had a cyst on his eye that had to be removed.  The surgery itself was no big deal but, because of his age, it required general anesthesia.  I fretted.  I prayed for the cyst to just disappear.  I worried.  God gently led me through that experience and He was kind enough (as He always is) to offer his unending support, a fatherly embrace to fall into when it felt overwhelming.  And I clung.  Until I could offer prayers of thanksgiving after the surgery, I clung to the reality that God has a will and it is not within my mothering powers to always be in control.September 2016 038_1_1 September 2016 039_2_1

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It’s easy to forget that reality.

Now fast forward 6 years.  After discovering a bit of an abnormality with William’s, ahem, boy parts, Dax took him into the ER one Saturday afternoon.  I didn’t worry (okay, I worried a little).  I tried my best to let God handle this one.  I prayed.  After 4 hours of waiting and testing and waiting some more, they returned home.  He had an inguinal hernia with a hydrocele which would need to be repaired and drained.September 2016 041_4_1

So now 6 years after his first surgery (to the exact day), William was going to have surgery again.  Again, it was a minor surgery, but the thought of general anesthesia is enough to make any parent panic.  Plus this surgery presented quite a few more possible complications than his last one did.September 2016 043_5_1

After two weeks of setting up appointments, visiting with the surgeon and answering the millions of questions my naturally curious children have, I thought we were ready for the surgery.  By this point, I remembered my reality and I wasn’t worried.  I knew if I tried hard enough, I could find something to worry about.  But then I remembered flying and letting go and how good it felt to just let God handle it.  So that’s what I did.September 2016 046_8_1 September 2016 047_9_1

September 2016 048_10_1 September 2016 049_1_1There’s a plan for each of our lives and while it may not always feel easy or right, it’s His plan.  He’s the great author and the story is always so much nicer when we allow the author unrestricted access to the storyline.

William, on the other hand, is just beginning down the long, paved path of worry.  His mind works overtime trying to explain everything that happens and the reason for it.  His heart wants to trust, but his mind wants to understand.September 2016 050_2_1

He spent the days playing and the nights worrying.  He worried about the possible complications.  He worried about the recovery process.  He worried about how he got it.  He worried about whether he’d get it again.  You name it, he worried about it.September 2016 051_3_1 September 2016 052_4_1

The week before his surgery, William requested a visit to confession and a blessing from the priest.  He received both.  His worries lessened.

The day before September 1st, William was nervous, though.  So very nervous.  He was worried.  I reminded him that if he wanted peace, there was only one place to go…straight to the Prince of Peace.  He mulled it over and quietly asked to be taken to Adoration to visit our Lord.  He knelt down and quietly prayed, “Dear Jesus, please guide me to have no worries and no complications.  Please bless the doctors’ hands.  Help me to give it all to You, Jesus.  Amen.”  And he was filled with peace.  No more worries.  No more anxiety.  We returned home, peaceful, in anticipation of the next day.September 2016 053_5_1 September 2016 054_6_1

That night he asked for his prayer blanket that he had taken into surgery with him 6 years before.  I had told him he could take something else soft with him to surgery if he’d like, but he replied that what he really wanted to take wasn’t soft.  I asked what it was that he wanted to take.  “My rosary,” he replied.  Granny offered to sew a pocket onto his blanket and we found a plastic rosary to put inside.  He was ready.September 2016 055_7_1

Thursday morning came early.  William woke up at the touch of my hand, quickly crawling out of bed, eager to get dressed and be on his way.  We arrived at day surgery and were quickly processed and put in a room.  William changed into his gown and snuggled under his prayer blanket.  Chipper, alert and peaceful.  I took my cue from him.  He was peaceful so I was peaceful.  He was trusting so I was trusting.  He was relaxed so I was relaxed.September 2016 065_10_1 September 2016 067_11_1

They wheeled him over to the holding area where he was given his happy medicine and we visited with the anesthesiologist.  For a minute, as I listened to Dr. Velleman explain the anesthesiology procedure, doubt began to nibble away its way in.  Then William pulled out his rosary to show Dr. Velleman and Dr. Velleman, in return, showed William his 4-Way Cross that was hidden beneath his shirt.  An inspired moment.  My fears faded away.September 2016 044_6_1

William’s doctor came in after that. William had written a note to Dr. Cruz-Diaz the night before explaining to him that if he noticed William’s two missing teeth, he should not worry.  William was convinced that Dr. Cruz-Diaz would assume he knocked them out and they’d be frantically searching the OR trying to find them.  I handed Dr. Cruz-Diaz the letter and in his typical humor, he read it very seriously, making a show to the OR nurses surrounding him that they should all be aware of the tooth situation.  William giggled.  My heart smiled.September 2016 037_11_1

And then, just like that, it was time.  As I gave him a kiss, I let go.  This wasn’t my deal anymore.  From this point on, it was just like being on an airplane again.  It was out of my control.  Lucky for me, I personally know the man in charge up there and I was more than willing to let go of the control I so naturally crave (I am human to an embarrassing degree).September 2016 072_13_1

Surgery went fine.  Hydrocele is drained.  Hernia is repaired.  Recovery is happening day by day.  I can’t predict the future.  Maybe there will be complications. Maybe there will be other surgeries, more serious ones.  Maybe there won’t.  Either way, I’m ready to surrender.  Turns out flying is good for my soul.September 2016 078_15_1 September 2016 080_16_1

*An important note: It helped tremendously (with both this surgery and his last) to have an amazing team at Driscoll Children’s Hospital, from the check-in receptionist to the nurses (both the nurses in the OR and the recovery room) to the doctors, at our side, guiding us through the entire ordeal.  The team of OR nurses were both kind and considerate, and patient enough to answer my few remaining questions.  Dr. Velleman was soft-spoken and reassuring as he explained the entire process, his faith shining through in his regard for the patient as an individual.  Dr. Cruz-Diaz had an amazing bedside manner, joking with William, which instantly put him at ease.  He was patient and thorough in his explanation and consultation after the surgery, with a respect for privacy.  Many of the doctors came straight into the waiting room and explained the surgery in front of whoever was waiting there…I appreciated that Dr. Cruz-Diaz made use of the Patient-Surgeon Consultation Room.  William’s Recovery Room nurse, Mindy, was amazing!  She was kind and compassionate and so cheerful.  She went out of her way to be sure William was comfortable and well taken care of.  Her smile lit up the room and made William feel special.  No hospital procedure is successful without a team of compassionate caregivers and, lucky for us, ours was bursting with compassion!September 2016 082_18_1

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{this moment}

August 2016 117_1_1

{this moment} – A Friday ritual.   A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  If you’re inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see.

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