I caught a glimpse of him standing outside the kitchen window. His face was turned down with his visor covering his face, his jawline the only visible part of him. I snapped a picture of him in my mind, that strong jawline, the well defined calf muscles, the relaxed stance. Age has been kind to him, weathered him in ways that make my heart go crazy every time he glances over at me.
He lifts his head and catches my eye at the window. Sure enough, my heart rate speeds up and I find myself blushing at the thought that he caught me staring at him. Almost 15 years and I still find myself staring at him. I can’t help it. I like watching him walk into a room. I like watching him laugh with his whole heart at a joke. I like watching his eyes light up when he sees me.
For one quick moment, I wondered. I wondered what I would think if I didn’t know him. If I just passed him on the street or stood in line behind him at the grocery store. One quick glance at him and I’d miss so much.
I’d miss his determination, his courage, his steadfastness, his discipline. I’d miss how he delights in the moment, how he’s still a kid at heart, how he loves with his whole body and heart. I’d miss his enjoyment of a glass of fine wine, the pure joy of visiting a new place, the quiet contentment of the simplicity he craves.
I’d miss all that because not knowing him, not spending 15 years with him would change my view. So very much. I have the special privilege of journeying this life with him. Of seeing the moments that have defined him. Of witnessing character formation and virtue in training.
I’m the one who witnessed the pride in his eyes when he first held each of our babies, the joyful anticipation of years to come when we exchanged vows. I’m the one who witnessed the struggles, the hard work, the grit and determination of building his business. I’m the one who looks into his eyes every night and reads the barometer on his soul. I’m the one who sees what no one else sees.
Maybe that’s why I like staring at him. ‘Cause I know what’s hidden beneath that strong jawline. I know what drives him each day. I know what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, what makes him smile.
I can’t help it. Almost 15 years since I fell in love with him. And still…I catch a glimpse of him and fall in love all over again.