Joseph does not like to feed himself.  Anything.  Ever.  He hates getting messy.  He hates risking a mess.  He is a perfectionist.  I know I already told you this.  Do you remember?  Well he’s almost 3 and I have tried everything to get him to eat.  I’ve tried bribing, coaxing, cajoling, praising…you name it, I’m sure I’ve tried it.  Yes, I’ve tried leaving him there until he finishes…he could sit there forever.  Yes, I’ve tried rewarding…he’s not interested.  Yes, whatever you’re about to say, I’m sure I’ve tried it.  I was beginning to wonder if this child would ever feed himself and then a miracle happened.

I took William for his well-baby appointment with Dr. Perez earlier this week and I asked her about it.  She said, “Joseph’s a big boy…he needs to feed himself.”  So I came home and at lunch, I told Joseph, “Dr. Perez says you’re a big boy…she says you need to feed yourself.”  And HE DID.  And HE STILL IS.  And at every meal, he kindly reminds me, “Dr. Perez says I’m a big boy…I need to feed myself.”  I guess this Mommy is not an authority on everything.   

Today we went to the beach.  It was William’s first time to visit the beach.  And while that adventure, in and of itself, deserves a blog, this is not it.  Instead I want to tell you about someone I met at the beach.

I met a new mommy.  She was so happy.  So blissfully in love.  So proud of her new status.  You could see it in her eyes.  You could hear it in her voice.  You could practically see the new mommy aura surrounding her.  It was beautiful. 

I am always struck by the beauty of new mommies.  The first few weeks or so of new mommyhood are spent trying to break out of the sleep-deprived, I’m-really-not-sure-what-in-the-world-I’m-doing cocoon.  But once they pass those first few weeks (or there about…some mommies adjust sooner, some take a little more time), they blossom into such beautiful creatures. They spread their wings and it’s a beautiful transformation.  It’s love in action.  It’s a powerful witness to what dying to self really is.  It’s like the beginning of any beautiful relationship…a time of complete and total surrender…a time to love each tiny aspect of the beautiful baby we helped create. 

I think we each go through seasons in mommyhood, just like we do in any relationship.  I think the first few weeks are tough.  Really tough.  Especially the first time around.  We don’t know what we’re doing.  We feel helpless, overwhelmed, unprepared.  Then our intuition kicks in and suddenly we gain confidence.  We look at that little baby and realize that if we just listen to what’s in our hearts, we will survive.  We fall in love.  Completely, totally, unconditionally.  It is spring in mommyhood.  We’ve created new life and we’re watching as it unfolds around us.  Such a beautiful season.   

So to all new mommies out there, congratulations.  You are beautiful…now spread your wings and do what you do best.  Fall in love.  Complete and total love.  And just surrender.  Surrender yourself to the sesaon of spring.

I need to ask you something…Have you ever lost your patience with your child?  Been quick to anger?  Disciplined out of frustration?  I have.  I have been on the verge of tears, frustrated with a toddler who wants to do it himself but is taking so long that the baby is now crying for his demands to be met, listening to the dryer buzz in the background and smelling dinner burning in the oven.  In the heat of the moment, I lose it.  I yank the crayon out of Joseph’s hand and write the letter “s” myself, I plop William down on the floor (even though he’s screaming to br held) while I try to save dinner and pull out the clothes before they’re too wrinkled, all the while muttering to myself about the unfairness of it all.  When Joseph asks for help again, I tell him, none too politely, “Not now.  Mommy’s trying to fix dinner.  Find something else to do.”  And when William comes toddling in yanking at my pant leg mumbling “meh me meh” I shoo him away. Not much selfless love being exhibited here…or is there?

Last week Fr. James gave a moving homily about the call of Christians to love with unconditional love.  He said that “anyone who wants to live true Christianity is called to live selflessly.”  Selfless love?  That’s hard to find today.  Me, me, me.  More, more, more.   That seems to be the echoing chant of Americans today.  So when Fr. James reminded us of Jesus’ words “I give you a new commandment: love one another.  As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.  This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13: 34-35), I began to reflect on my daily life as a mother and wife.  Do I live by Jesus’ words?  Do I portray a selfless love?  Perhaps at times.  But I realized something even more profound.  As a mother, I am given the unique opportunity to witness first hand the best example here on Earth of selfless love.  I am given a glimpse of unconditional love on a daily basis.  I see Jesus’ words reflected through the love of a child for his parents. 

So back to my chaotic kitchen…where was the selfless love in all of that, you might be wondering.  It sure wasn’t with me.  But go check on Joseph.  See if he has already forgiven me because he has.  Ask him who he loves to snuggle, who he loves to read with, who he loves to be with and I guarantee he’ll say his mommy even though he was just on the receiving end of frustration and anger.  Go ahead.  Now pick up William and see who he desperately reaches for.  Me.  He, too, has already forgiven me.  He, too, is displaying an unconditional love.  

If I would just stop long enough to watch my children, and I mean really watch them, I could learn so much.  Sure I set an example everyday for them to follow but it appears that I, too, have an example set before me that could lead me to holiness.

Fr. James says, “The tendencies of fallen human nature pull us into ourselves. This is why we need a daily encounter with the God of unconditional love hidden in the tabernacle of every Catholic Church.”  Absolutely.  That daily encounter is our saving grace.  But for those of us mommies in the trenches, sometimes daily mass or adoration are not a possibility. We need a daily reminder of what unconditional love looks like.  And, as with all of our true needs, God has provided…just so long as we pay attention.

Boys will be boys.  And William is 100% boy.  We went to dinner at Grandma Nury’s and Grandpa Larry’s a few weeks ago and William discovered Grandpa’s garden.  Oh, what joy!  What bliss!  What an utter mess! 

Joseph’s at that age where he loves to tell stories.  Every adventure in his life lights a spark to tell a story.  If we visit the aquarium, he’ll tell it to you in a story.  If we play hide and seek, he’ll tell you about it in a story.  If we hide Easter eggs, go to Grandma Nury’s, visit the bookstore, shop for new clothes…he’ll be happy to describe the outing to you in the form of a story.  

His latest storytelling material…a playdate we had last week with the Metz family.  Here’s the beginning of some of the stories he’s been telling lately… 

Mom, one time we went to visit Ben and Gabe.  We chased each other all around the yard… 

  

Once upon a time, I went to visit Miss Virginia.  She taught me the Bunny Hop.  Here let me show you how to do it… 

A long time ago, in a place called Corpus Christi, a little boy named Joseph went to visit his friends. He saw Maddie and Lizzie and Gabe and Ben and Jonathan and Christopher and Nicholas and Miss Virginia.  Joseph played outside with the other kids.  They played a lot of basketball.  Christopher said to Joseph, “Move please,” because he wanted to shoot the basketball and Joseph was in the way… 

 

 

 

Oh and Mom, I forgot to tell you in the last story, but Jonathan held my hand and helped me get in my car seat.   

Once upon a time, Joseph and William got to eat a picnic lunch with Ben and Gabe and Maddie and Lizzie.  Miss Virginia made bunny cookies.  They were very cute!  They had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and pretzels… 

Hey, Mom, did you see when William knocked Maddie down?  He made Maddie very sad.   

 And the stories go on and on and on….I had no idea one short playdate could be the fuel for so many stories!  

Now since we’re telling stories and since we’re talking about that particular playdate, here’s my version… 

We had a beautiful playdate with the Metz family last week.  Joseph and William had a blast, but I think I got more out of our playdate than they did.  Sure, they got to socialize and play all kinds of fun games, but I learned some important mommy lessons just by being with Virginia and her kids.  

I am always struck by Virginia’s quiet peace and her unshakeable calm.  I have yet to see Virginia get ruffled.  Me?  I’m ruffled at least every hour.  But I noticed that Virginia doesn’t seem to stress about the little things.  She’s so orderly, yet so adaptable.  So organized, yet so spontaneous.  Me?  I’m organized and orderly, but I have to mentally prepare to be adaptable or spontaneous, so I think it’s safe to say adaptable or spontaneous don’t really describe me..and it’s not just my personality, it’s because I stress about the little things…the things that in the long run really don’t matter.    

I saw a beautiful portrayal of love.  Not just from Virginia to her kids, but between each of her kids.  The older ones are so patient with the younger ones.  Lizzie was happy to teach Ben how to dump the dirt from one truck to another.  That patience and love was so evident even in the littlest ones, as shown by Ben when William joined them in the dirt and there was no pushing or shoving or telling William to keep out…instead Lizzie and Ben happily let William play right along with them. 

 

And Christopher!  Oh what a beautiful example of love!  If children are mimics of their parents, which I truly believe, then just watch Christopher with the little ones and you’ll see exactly what kind of parents John and Virginia are!  (I single out Christopher here for two reasons: #1: he was the only one that morning that had a few extra minutes to come and play with us and #2: William snuggled right up to him and would have happily fallen asleep in Christopher’s arms if it had not been time for lunch…Virginia calls Chris her “baby whisperer”…I wholeheartedly agree!)

Oh, my dear Virginia, how do you do it?  How have you created such a loving and gentle family?  I just know what she’s going to say because she’s said it to me before (and she’ll probably say it to me a million more times)…prayer, prayer, prayer and all the grace that goes along with that devotion.  Well, Virginia, if the outcome of prayer and devotion is a family like yours, then that’s advice I will take.  Thank you, dear friend, for sharing your mothering wisdom with me…I can’t wait for another playdate (oh and I know Joseph and William will enjoy it, too!)

I loved those first days with you.  You don’t remember them, but I do.  You were such a quiet, content little baby.  You just snuggled and nursed and napped.  In those first few days, Joseph proved to not only be a sweet big brother, but also a very loving and gentle brother.  I was amazed that there was no sibling rivalry.  No jealousy.  No hateful glares.  Just love.  Pure, fresh brother love. 

As time went on, your little personality emerged.  You were so curious from the very beginning…

Sometimes being so curious just wore you out!

As you continued to grow, you tried so hard to keep up with Joseph.  You learned to crawl quickly which was a great triumph in your eyes…finally you could chase brother down the hall!  I can still hear your giggle echoing down the hallway when he’d turn to chase you.  Oh and you discovered the art of playing with Daddy.  Rolling, tickling, chasing…

Now you’re no longer content to watch life from the sidelines.  You participate in everything we do, whether it be preschool or playing ball, we find you in the center of the action, happy to be a part of the excitement. 

Watching the stingrays at the aquarium

Watching Signing Times on YouTube with Joseph

You’re always such a happy little boy (even happier now that you can walk and really keep up with Joseph!).  Seems like these days you and Joseph are stuck together with glue…where we find one of you, we find the other.  You follow him around, happy to do whatever he’s doing.  And the few times when he doesn’t let you play with him, you’re happy to come find me and help me in whatever way you can. 

I’ve learned now that one of the greatest battles I will always face as a mom is an internal conflict regarding the passage of time.  On one hand, I rush you, in my mind, to grow up, eager to see you learn new things, hear your 1st word, watch as your personality blossoms.  But on the other hand, I desperately try to slow down time, wanting to savor each moment.  I look at you today, one year old, and I want to stop time.  I want to always be able to see you as you are today…so full of life, so curious, so very, very happy. 

Happy Birthday my sweet little one year old!

Love, Mommy

Last week, after breakfast, Joseph was sitting on the kitchen counter watching me wash dishes, just chatting away.  Suddenly he stopped chatting and looked at me and said, “Mom, you’re really good at washing dishes.   You’re a good girl.”  Aww, thanks Joseph…I now have all the encouragement I need.

In Mimi Doe’s book Busy but Balanced, she tells about Ellen, a mother of two, who has taped a note to the front cover of her daily planner to remind herself to remain attentive to her children.  Her note says, “Spend time with my children today as if they are dear visitors who are about to leave, because they are.”